Sunday, March 05, 2006

I have continued to read the book and i must say today it nearly brought me to tears. I am honosty not sure what is right and what is wrong. But today i read

"Two people who have saved themselves completely- inwardly, outwardly, emotionally, and physically- coming together to love each other for a lifetime with the purest, most uninhibited love imaginable... this is romance in its truest form! This is God's perfect design for you!"

And well this upset me becouse i have been in relationships and i am now where i do give emotionally and with much of my heart to the relationship. I can't help it, i truely do love the men i have and am dating. Sure i know that maybe/most probably with some that it won't work out but i have always been given the outlook that dating was a good thing to help you grow and understand what you need in a relationship. I read this chapter in the book and thought that maybe it was not so. that i should not date but wait till God found me a husband. I would willingly do so if i thought that is what he wanted from me from all of us but i don't know. And i am a person who enjoys the company of others and with so many of my friends dateing it is something that seemed right and natural. I really do love the guy i am with but today i almost began to dout my feelings. Like they were not importent.
Also this passage makes me feel guilty about Robbie, (he is the boy in the first picture) we have broken up becouse he no longer thought of us as getting married. It was sad but i had come to that conclution weeks before we broke up. Should i have stopped the relationship then? Our relationship was the most God centered one i have ever been in, it was almost unreal. The most physical thing we did was hold hands and touch noses. We did try and kiss once but it upset him so much that we never did again and never talked of it either. Now that we are over and i have moved on i feel like i took something from him like i ruined or stole from his wife. It is a terrible feeling. Robbie is the most Godly follower i have ever met. He really was, he thought of me as God's Bride and everything.
The point is that i am extreamly confused. I do not understand what God wants us, as Christians to do in order to please him and have a Godly life and relationship. If kissing, flirting, and loving with your heart a boyfriend is wrong then i am doing something bad and want to stop, even if it hurts. I guess the point is that i am wondering what God wants, I want to fully serve him becouse he is most importent. He is My God, Creator, Protector, My Everything!
Lord help me Love like you created me to.

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